London Bridge is calling (falling) down!

“So riddle me this, despite having 3, no actually 4 houses counting your parents’, we don’t have a place to stay????” I sighed noisily as I got up to make tea for us after yet another checkup which ensured the now mango sized foetus was thriving inside my tummy without causing me any distress. (I still maintain, those 9 months were the most meek & obedient ones of Bugsy’s life) As with the 2nd trimester, I felt less tired & in spite of the fact that I didn’t show at all yet, I could feel my belly getting rounder & something fluttering a bit inside. Unlike most books & films it wasn’t really a pathbreaking moment with me gasping & yelling at Posto to come & touch my tummy to feel a flutter. I was all but passed out one afternoon in front of the cooler, dipping in & out of a doze when I felt a tiny flutter. I thought it might be gas bubbles in my tummy (errr..my digestion wasn’t the same 😕 & my once favourite rajma did not yield happy after effects) but then thought it might be the baby after all after perusing the netmum website filled with 3rd time moms gleefully jumping & gawping at the first flutters. Ok I can be a bit insensitive sometimes 😅 Needless to say, my exhausted mind was too busy battling with more important stuff (like my mom warning, cajoling & scolding me constantly to catch the next flight to Kolkata, my baba being even more unhappy with the fact that where near & distant relatives, non relatives, friends, acquaintances all turned to his guidance & his gynaecologist friends for smooth sailing through pregnancy, his own daughter stubbornly maintained that she was perfectly healthy & happy under her Pune doctor & who was apparently about to fly off to a distant land where nobody he knew lived….)…

Yes, us going to the UK was happening but nobody was happy with it. Everyone was slapping their foreheads, moaning that who does this in a situation like this!! I had hardly told anyone to begin with but even my bestie seemed worried even though she understood my point of view. All others were of the same obvious opinion- Posto can easily go & get settled then come back & get me & the baby as soon as we are ready to travel. Posto worried ceaselessly, not wanting to leave me (us) anywhere else but at the same time realising that if anything, any tiny thing went wrong, everyone would kill him first & foremost without the iota of consideration that his (our) loss would be the greatest in every way. But he has a stubborn wife who is impossible to budge once she has made her mind up that Posto will not miss one single day of their new life chapter. The restlessness, sleepless nights, heartburn, the wonder of it all…nothing.

“That’s right” Posto looks up from where he was sitting with his head in his hands wondering how many things could possibly go wrong. His manager had told him in March that we would be leaving in a month so he had added some buffer time & let our landlord know that we would be leaving by the middle of April. Well it was almost the 1st week of April flying by & guess what, we hadn’t even gotten the visa appointment let alone the visa itself and errr.. the broker had been showing the house to new tenants every weekend. So to sum it up, we had to leave house in 14 days with nowhere to go. Wonderful. And we couldn’t tell anyone. We were anyway bashed left & right for our apparently foolish decision of going to another country during this time- if they knew we were homeless as well that would be the end.

“Yes yes I understand but we were misinformed & my wife is 4 months pregnant & it would be impossible to get a new flat for a month here” Posto disappeared into the balcony with his phone. I picked at the dry skin around my thumb praying inside that no tenant had been found yet. No such luck. The new family would be moving in by the 20th of the month & we had to move.

The next few days were the worst yet in our life together & we still sweat when we remember them. We called & asked every person we knew in Pune, cousins, friends of friends, brokers, even considered moving separately to hostels & meeting up after office everyday till we left (no visa appointment yet, just tons & tons of formalities & forms which I read again & again going almost cross-eyed while Posto was at office). The nights were sleepless, I was fatigued even more answering & evading questions from friends & family, trying to be confident about our decision in front of Posto who was going even more downhill. Every free moment I spent in researching the costs it required to have a baby in the UK (I had nobody to tell me about the NHS back then!!!) and whether the medical insurance of Posto’s company would cover anything (pregnancy is never covered by normal insurance I discovered later).

“Yes okay I understand.. I will inform you by tonight” Posto stabbed at the end button as he walked towards me in the crowded waiting room of the test centre. We were waiting here for the last couple of hours for our Tuberculosis test without the clearance certificate of which, people from specific countries are not allowed to apply for the UK visa. Since I was pregnant I would have a special lead apron to shield my belly against the harmful X-rays. “So your friends have no new leads?” I retied my frizzy hair back with my clip as I glanced at a worried Posto who had taken half the day off for our appointment slot which had already overflowed by 2 hours. “They have contacted a couple of brokers- I have told them any flat is okay as long as it’s in a safe place” he continued, checking his pocket for the pen to tick off boxes in the forms. “So we move all our stuff to another new flat & again hire packers & movers to move stuff when we leave for UK?” I raised my brows. I am not a person who calculates stuff but I felt broke just thinking about it. Our mover guy had visited the flat one day & given a rough estimate of 60,000 INR for packing & moving. That was bad enough, but to do it twice… Posto scratched his curly hair “Nothing to do.. do you want to me to book you Kolkata tickets? Then I can just shack up with my office guys till everything is ready…Your parents will be delighted..” Poor guy looked almost hopeful. I glared at him “NO”.

“So you are coming on the 16th?” my ma sounded happy & relieved, happier than she had sounded in weeks. I let out a defeated sigh.My friend’s husband had lamented the fact that we had given our notice to the landlord without getting the visa first (that is apparently the norm) but had urged Posto to request for work from home permission so that we could be in Kolkata while waiting for our visa, if it at all, came. We could do all the processing from any major city so that should be fine. I jerked out of my reverie “yes I have told the packers & movers to come by 10 am the day before.. yes I had my coconut water…yes I walk slowly on wet floors…”

The doorbell rang. It was almost 9 pm & we were certainly not expecting anyone. The entire house was in one hot mess. It was 14th night & we were finishing packing & getting ready for the movers the next morning. The large & beefy broker smiled cheerily at me at the door flanked by a curious couple half smiling, the lady holding a small girl by the hand. “Madam ghar dekhne aaye” (we have come to see the flat) the broker flashed me another toothy smile waiting for an invitation. I stared nonplussed then moved inside to let them in. I whispered furiously to Posto “ Mr Binwani told us new people were moving in ASAP then what are new people snooping around for??” Posto, like his typical self, shrugged “How’s that any of our business? I mean, it’s his house he can do whatever he wants” I gaped at him “ Are you from Mars? Here we are begging people for a place to stay on while things proceed, he knows our situation & could easily let us stay on instead of showing around new people & you are saying it’s not our business?!” Posto grunted, busily tapping away at his phone, no doubt replying to yet another office mail. The company would stop working without his constant replies I am kind of convinced 😑. I stomped to the next room where the couple were being assured by the broker that the afternoon sunlight would be resplendent in that balcony . I was dying to tell them the truth- that I rarely see the sunlight after 2 pm & my clothes never dry unless I lay them out on the dining chairs in the other room, but stopped myself. I needed this still smiling broker uncle (!!) on my side. For now. I whispered to him, putting on my prettiest smile “Are these the new tenants then?” The man scratched his left ear & smiled back “No, no madam new people- the last ones fell out” I stared at him in wonder almost “You mean this apartment is still up for rent???” The broker looked a bit uncomfortable at my apparent stupidity “Err madam, don’t tell the landlord I told you” then promptly rushed to show the lady how huge the living room was & how happy her child will be playing here. I could barely wait to shoo them out & pounce on Posto who was, yes still on the phone for work. I had been starting to think IT people might be spies in disguise, diffusing bombs & foiling elaborate plans. I had lost my patience of explaining everything to this workaholic person & snatched his phone to call up our landlord.

“How angry was he?” We were snuggled up after a celebration McDonald takeaway, smiling as we hadn’t in weeks as we cancelled our flights & informed dismayed families. “He wasn’t actually” I planted a kiss on his cheek “He spoke to me very nicely, told us to take as much time as required, asked about my health too..” Posto heaved a sigh “Now if only we don’t face any other issues..”

Well, that was our most difficult time honestly, way more difficult than moving & childbirth because living separately is something I cannot be on board with & would again do everything in my power & also out of it to wake up every morning next to my best friend. And the next time you visit to read, sorsheposto will be in the UK! 😅

Chapter 3~ 3 down, 6 more to go!

 

I am a voracious reader by nature- And by that I don’t mean books! I mean everything else left to read-billboards, magazines, shampoo labels, cereal boxes & don’t even get me started  what used to happen when I used to wander around  Big Bazaar aisles with plenty of time on my hands 🤪 ( Sigh! That was when Posto & I were dating & he used to get held up in Kolkata traffic while I waited for him.)I can rattle off the difference between the ingredients in American Garden mayonnaise & Crema mayonnaise & tell you why the Crema one is creamier without the slight acidic smell. I can give you a knowledgeable lecture on which sulphate strips hair more & why you should never buy Pantene shampoos even if your life depends on it.But trust me, however big of a reader you are, nothing prepares you for your own pregnancy. Like literally nothing.

Everyone has morning sickness, everyone writes about it, everyone will tell you their tremulous vomiting during the first 3 months, everyone can offer you some remedy or the other but nobody could have predicted that a person like me who vomited furiously through the first 5 years of my life ( you can literally go & ask my mom for details. She can last one entire day recounting how I used to throw up at every feeding. EVERY) could make it through an entire 9 months without throwing up a single time. I have never come across any article on pregnancy which doesn’t fret about this.Apparently, Posto is very proud. 😎😎 And as for the faint fits, light-headedness & every time Bollywood/serial heroines get their pregnancy confirmed by dancing round & round to suddenly faint- well, never for me. Nada.

I did feel queasy sometimes but mostly because my already sharp nose got even more  sensitive & I could not tolerate the perfumes I had loved once nor let any meat or fish come near me which when I think back now is nothing short of madness 🤭 I survive on meat. Period. I had basically turned into a hermit & only loved fruits, milk & aloosheddo bhaat with ghee. Everyone used to say my baby will have similar tastes in food but at 10 months, she loves anything & everything we eat (she has to have a sip of my almond milk from my glass, has to peck off a bit from my chicken sandwich at lunch & a lick of Nutella which she eyes greedily as we slather on toast)with special mention being made of her runny breakfast egg.

I did get tired though. Horribly. Like proper fatigue. Not happily tired that I want to have a power nap. Nah, am not that sort of a sleep freak ( though priorities have dramatically changed since Bugsy hi jacked our lives)  & I would rather watch TV or whatsapp my friends in the afternoon than catching forty winks which is in stark contrast to Posto. Posto is the reincarnation of Rip Van Winkle or maybe Kumbhkarna & considers his entire weekend wasted if he doesn’t sleep till 12 in the afternoon & promptly start dozing after lunch. He used to stare at me open-mouthed while I pranced off to finish walking my 11k steps after a full Sunday lunch & drag me to lie down which would of course always result in us snuggling off to sleep till an  ungodly 9pm . We would scramble to order dinner from Zomato, praying that it wasn’t too late to do so & then begin our binge watching movies & TV series through the night. Of course, one year later we would be knocked into shape by a tiny monster  who would wail just once  to ensure that her very tired parents couldn’t sleep for more than a few minutes at a stretch. Now, at 10 months we are enormously grateful to her for letting us sleep through the night & Posto resignedly stares at her with bleary eyes after a heavy lunch as she squeals in obvious delight to bounce on his tummy.

Anyway I digress. The first 3 months I was too tired to keep my eyes open after lunch & I would drift off uncomfortably in the extreme heat of Pune summers, waking up disoriented a couple of hours later, my hair sticking to my face with sweat. My parents were due to come visit us in February for which they had booked tickets 6 months back & it was a happy coincidence for my mom who wanted to come & fuss over me like an invalid 😃

I truly laid back like a little spoilt princess the entire 2 weeks they were here 🤩 Ma would not let me get up to make tea even & was horrified when I wanted to bake chocolate muffins for them one day 🤭 Having had a very difficult pregnancy herself after 2 miscarriages, she was more anxious & fussy than a mother hen in spite of my obstetrician insisting that every pregnancy was unique & there was no way this could be genetic. But oh well!

“So my manager was saying this time next month we could be in UK” Posto whispered as I passed him a couple of biscuits which he munched hungrily. We had come to watch Sonu ke Tittu ke Sweety on a weeknight since the weekend had been housefull, not to mention the atrocious prices of a newly released superhit film. Posto had somehow managed to wriggle out of his office & had rushed to the mall while I had ambled there from home, got the tickets, browsed the Shoppers Stop sale & regretfully refrained from buying new clothes since they wouldn’t fit me eventually. As of now though I had hardly gained a couple of kgs & did not look pregnant at all at 3 months- a fact that made me happy but my doctor quite unhappy & Posto nervous. “Not a single slap will land outside” Posto grumbled furiously as we walked out from the clinic hand in hand after reporting to ma’am with my Anomaly scan test results. It was a 30 minute long scan in which they observe & confirm that the vital organs of the baby are functioning normally. My obstetrician had been pleased & beaming with the results till her compounder had passed the sheet over bearing my weight & pressure readings. “Yeh kya hai? Aisa kaise chalega?” she had frowned in her strong Marathi accent, glaring more at Posto.” She has hardly gained 2kgs in 3 months. Doesn’t she eat at all?” I tried to suppress my snort. I didn’t feel very hungry sure but Posto & my 2 mothers over the phone ensured I ate everything good for the baby under the sun. I even had an appointed coconut seller to deliver fresh green coconuts to the flat everyday.What more??

“Yeah right & pigs will fly!” I whispered back to Posto rolling my eyes. Our not going to on-site had become a sort of painful joke. While every Tom, Dick & Harry got the opportunity of a couple of years abroad, we had had opportunities being offered & snatched away multiple times & had sort of given up hope. “Arre but Amit told me they had an opening & I am being considered. But first tell me, will we be able to go?” Posto gulped noisily at his water bottle while the audience hooted & clapped at yet another Kartik Aryan joke.

I wrinkled my nose as I thought it over.” See if we can really go in a month that should be fine since I will be around 16 weeks pregnant & it’s safe to fly” I remembered reading this in a travelling article. The 2nd trimester was the best for travelling apparently. People didn’t have that much fatigue or sickness & could enjoy. About moving to a different country though, nobody had bothered to consider such a ridiculous possibility.

”Can you really come? I don’t think your doctor Baba will be happy” Posto was half worried, half grinning. He knew my stubborn streak. Most girls even nowadays flew back to their homes to be waited on hand & foot by their mothers while husbands struggled alone. I had made sure this was not even an option from the very beginning! “There is no point of a marriage if you cannot stay together” I had drowned out my Ma’s pleas innumerable times stating my point of view. She had thrown up her hands in despair but had not given up her cause I have to give her that. She regularly mentioned this at least 4 times a day. To convince them to let me move to another country would be difficult & if I didn’t know how obstinate I can be, I would have said impossible.

“Yeah, I can & I will” I told Posto squeezing his hand. “Have I ever left you alone?”

And that, was the beginning of all our troubles.

Chapter 2~The heartbeat(of Megh)

“Are you sure you don’t want any? You seemed to develop a distaste for it only after we came from the clinic- are you sure it’s not in your mind?” Posto whispered to me as I glared at him & dragged my chair farther away from his so that I could not smell the once amazing pork curry anymore “Go away & sit as far away as you can or I swear I will throw up on your plate!” I hissed at him and he shrank back heaping his plate with all the things I wanted to throw out- the delicious mutton curry he had cooked a day back, my pork curry, fatty bacon strips & even the multi-seed bagels I had baked & slathered with garlic butter. I don’t know what changed ever since the doctor had confirmed, but my sense of smell (which had always been like a bloudhound) had heightened further & had made me start to hate everything non-vegetarian- that is, everything I love in a nutshell.

”There it is, can you see it? It’s the size of a poppy seed right now, at 4 weeks” our doctor beamed at us while doing the sonogram as I winced. Since 4 weeks was too early for a proper tummy scan, she had wanted to do an internal one to confirm the pregnancy & it’s not much fun- let’s just leave it at that, shall we? 😶🤭 I looked up at Posto & he looked even more stumped than I was- what exactly were we supposed to see? Everything was grey & ghostly & there was nothing to see which remotely resembled a baby.

Poato & I had searched online for a good obstetrician nearby after both my home pregnancy tests showed positive & we had trooped in on a Saturday morning to see her where a sallow receptionist had looked at us suspiciously & pointed at me to climb up on the digital weighing scale which read a very difficult to reach 59 kgs. I stared at the figure on the scale wistfully- who knew when I might be able to see it again? “Stretch out your arm” she now instructed & strapped on the sphygmomanometer which displayed my perpetual low pressure (90/60). “I thought you said that blood pressure climbs in pregnancy?” Posto whispered in my ear as the receptionist began scribbling furiously in a pad & peered up at us “So are you two married?” My mouth opened in indignation “Of course we are! For 2years!” I added as the pregnant ladies with their husbands had stopped talking in order to hear us. Posto smirked.

No sooner than we were sitting in our doctor’s office she asked us nonchalantly “You two are married?” I spluttered on my water & nodded a yes. What was wrong with us?? Was it the supergirl tee I was wearing with a worn to death jeans? Or was it the lack of any marital signs- vermillion, mangal-sutra, bindi? Or was it the fact that I had a half-eaten packet of cookies in my hand which I had shoved in my crossbody bag from where it still peeked out? Well, maybe it was a combination of all, I thought disgruntled as the doctor wrote down all the do’s & don’ts along with a presciption for multivitamins & iron tablets while Posto sat silently, looking more like a college guy in trouble than anything else in a faded tee & jeans he had pulled on whilst still half-asleep.

”That’s the heartbeat- going loud & fast, can you hear it? Absolutely healthy foetus!”beamed our doctor again as both of us strained to do so.”And the whooshing sound is your blood rushing through” she added helpfully as that was the only thing I could hear till now but wait, what was that very loud & rapid lub-dub-lub-a-dub? We stared excitedly as Dr. Patekar nodded, still smiling “Yes, that’s it”.

It felt so weird.Unfortunately, I had no tears in my eyes- I am not mich of a crier I guess? Or maybe my hormones hadn’t kicked in yet? Either way, I felt kind of disappointed in my own emotions or their lack of 😶 Every movie I had seen, every storybook I had read had promised that I would be teary-eyed with a lump in my throat. Instead, I was just blank, thinking of what to make for lunch since I felt totally drained for no reason at all. “Thank You” Posto had enveloped me in a tight hug as soon as we had stepped out of the clinic. Posto, a guy who let go of my hand many times in public places because he thought so many elderly people were staring at us with judgy eyes. He wasn’t wrong, they mostly did- but I didn’t give a damn, he did. Posto, the guy who often gave up a cozy seat next to mine for an older gentleman/lady, who was not very comfortable sitting too close even in front of our two sets of parents. Him hugging me in public? In the street which was filled with every sort of random people on a Saturday morning? My eyes welled up. I cried.

Part-1~The beginning (of Megh)

I am finally back! I know I know, being away for so many months is unforgivable but where was I? Oh I was just busy shifting to UK with Posto (just temporarily so don’t panic) & oh yes, had Megh. Who is Megh you ask? The tiniest bomb on planet Earth, our sweet (not so much when she bawls) daughter, the amalgamation of Sorshe & Posto & the only thing which has the power to make Posto close his work laptop! So yeah, she is only 3 months old & yields more power than moi. So, without further ado, let’s begin!

Am I a regular person? NO. Do I love kids? Children? Babies? NO, NO & NO. I am a pet person ( precisely a dog person with monkeys coming a close second & glistening snakes, third). Casting melting eyed furry babies aside, do I stop in the middle of the street to ogle other people’s cute (many times, practically hideous) children to go an annoying “awwww”? Nope. Nah. Nada. The only time you can hear me going “awwww” is whenever a dog passes by ( cute, hideous, mangy, pedigrees, mongrels- I really have no distinction) or when a perfectly sticky pork belly arrives at my table in time begging to be devoured.

So why have my very own baby before our 3rd year anniversary? The people who have the courage to ask me this question are a numbered few but I totally get the surprise if you know me well. Not a kid person at all, but I was always very sure I wanted to bring up a child with Posto, to see our quirks being transmitted to the next generation & pssstt.. having no younger siblings, I am going to enjoy bossing someone around 😅 !

Januray ‘18~

“My periods are too late this time!” I grumbled as I packed Posto’s lunch in his backpack ( he used to take 4 separate boxes- one having a sandwich, cereal or poha for breakfast, one having cut up seasonal fruit & the last 2 boxes containing a daal & sabzi/chicken- he’s a lucky guy I have always known 😆). Posto was busy staring at himself in the mirror & as always in the morning, not in a mood to be drawn into a conversation “Don’t fret am sure you will have them in a couple of days- your periods are always late”. I bit back a scathing reply, remembering that he was right for once. My cycles are pretty irregular, ranging from 30-35 days & also, getting pregnant can’t be that easy, right? Wrong.

We had decided a month back that we were ready to start trying- well, Posto was always ready & I was kind of ready after he made profuse promises of cutting down on his workload to be able to give more time to me, & the coming baby if & when needed. But that could be several months away & he would be able to balance his workload by then, right? Wrong.

Going by the common patterns, we thought we might get pregnant by the end of this year, in time for our 3rd anniversary. So we thought that wewould take no stress & might as well have fun, since it would at the very least take 6 months-right? Well-wrong.

I was chatting with a friend about the delayed periods thing (she was facing the same issues & had been to the gynaec) & we were discussing whether to get the same medication when she mentioned that her doc had advised her to take a test first & then get the medicine as it could have adverse effects. I was sure it was just my irregular cycle throwing tantrums & almost ordered the prescribed meds online when I added 2 pregnancy tests to my shopping cart as well, thinking it might well come handy this year.

”So, when can you take it? Now?” Posto asked interestedly while mixing steaming hot rice with the spicy pork curry I had cooked that day after perusing through umpteen pork recipes on the internet. “Wow it’s cooked perfectly, so tender! Did you pressure cook it?” Posto asked, digging in before I had had a chance to answer. “Yeah, yeah I pressure cooked it first & then prepared it. And no, I have to take the test with my first morning urine or at least 6 hours with a full bladder. That way, the HCG levels can be detected accurately” I replied, smugly throwing in a couple of biological terms to pay Posto back for being more interested in his food rather than my stress.

”Ok you lost me there- HC what? Why do you do this to me on purpose?” Posto threw me a despairing look. I grinned “HCG is Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, a hormone the presence of which confirms a positive pregnancy. In the initial stages, you have to give it time to accumulate in the urine for an accurate result so early morning urine is the best” I shoved in a handful of my rice into my mouth after rattling this off.

“Ok so wait for a couple of days & if you still don’t get your periods, take it then”. I sat back, mutinous. This was just like him. I have never come across someone so laid-back, someone with oodles of patience & ZERO curiosity. My opposite. Damn. How could I wait for 2 whole days when the box containing the tests was peeking at me everytime I went into the spare room? Idiot Posto- how could he be so relaxed about everything??? I thought crossly as Posto grunted in his deep sleep & pulled me closer.

”Sweety please don’t give me an apple today- don’t we have any other fruit?” Posto was busy slathering my hair serum into his unruly mop of hair, a vain attempt to smooth out the strands which were sticking out. “Sweety?” he repeated cautiously. On any other day, I would have had his head on a pike. You have to finish the fruit which I ordered from bigbasket in chronological order, however sour or crappy they may be. That was the rule of our (my) house 😅 But today, something was off. Posto swirled around to see me with an apprehensive expression on my face, brandishing a white something under his nose, a white something with a little screen having 2 clear pink vertical lines.

”What? You took it without me?” he gaped at me & then my expression. “What’s the matter? What does 2 lines mean? I got it mixed up- negative?”

Seriously, can you believe this guy? I glared at him, shouted “positive” & slammed the door of the bathroom in his face.

And that, was the beginning.

Methi Malai Paneer Recipe~ Sorshe

Hey lovelies! I know I know I have been MIA for too long but there are reasons! So, coming back to food (which is far more important than anything else let’s face it 😅) Methi Saag or fresh fenugreek leaves are kind of polarising you know what I mean? Some people go ga-ga over everything with methi while others make faces about being fed the slightly bitter, very fragrant leafy vegetables. I personally mostly make methi saag with potatoes, peas & eggplant in a sweet & sour stir-fry which does cut out the bitterness & tastes wonderful with steaming hot rice but everyone needs a change right?

Posto was begging for a paneer recipe apart from the few obvious ones (butter, kadhai, palak, matar) & I browsed through a ton of recipes before this recipe caught my fancy & I decided to give it a try & bingo! We licked our plates clean 😀

 

Methi Malai Paneer Recipe~

Cooking Level- Medium

Time Taken- 30 mins (including prep)

Ingredients~

1. 300-400 gms of Paneer

2. 2 medium ripe tomatoes

3. 1 medium onion chopped/pureed

4. 4-5 fat garlic cloves

5. 1 inch of ginger

6. 1 cup of curd/yoghurt

7. Whole spices (cinnamon stick, green cardamoms, cloves & bay leaf)

8. Powdered spices (turmeric, red chilli powder, coriander powder)

9. 3-4 slit green chillies

10. 2-3 Tbsps of cream

11. Refined oil/ghee for cooking.

12. Salt & sugar to taste

13. 1-1/2 cup of chopped fresh fenugreek leaves

Method–

1. To ensure the fenugreek leaves have no bitterness, pluck the leaves, wash them & soak them in salt & water solution for 15-20 minutes.

While they are soaking, make your gravy paste in the mixer with the tomatoes, garlic & ginger. (If you like, you can add the onions here as well but I feel frying them separately does add better flavour & sweetness)

2. Heat ghee/oil in a pan & add the whole spices for tempering. As soon as you smell them, add the chopped onions & slit chillies & fry them till they turn golden & lose the raw fragrance.

3. Add the tomato-garlic-ginger puree you made & keep cooking on a low flame till they lose their raw smell.

4 . Add the powdered spices & the methi leaves to your gravy & cook for 3-4 minutes till the leaves wilt & you can smell them.

5. Add the curd carefully to your gravy while stirring continuously to ensure it does not separate & adjust the salt & sugar balance accordingly.

6. Add the cubed paneer to the final gravy & cook for a couple of minutes till the cubes become soft & well mixed with the gravy. Be careful not to overcook the paneer as they develop that leathery texture pretty fast.

7. Finally, add the cream & mix it well in the gravy & check the seasoning for the last time.

Ta-da!

Serve hot with rotis, parathas simply anything you like!

Notes~

1. If you just cannot get hold of fresh methi leaves, you can make this recipe with kasoori methi as well (Add 2-3 Tbsps for 1-1/2 cups of fresh methi)

2. Adding cream in the end is totally optional. If you like your gravy on the thinner side by all means, skip it. Alternatively if you don’t have cream at the moment, you can add milk & simmer- tastes as good!

That’s it for now! Go make this lovely dish to incorporate those extra methi leaves wilting in your fridge & nobody will complain- I promise 😁

Signing off~

Sorshe

Recipe adapted from- vegrecipesofindia

Orange & Dark Chocolate Marble Cake Recipe~ Sorshe

Hello all!

Oranges are my winter fix! Have always been & will be 😃 Cold weather & the zesty familiar orange smell will always be synonymous for me & I had to bake an orange cake as soon as I got this year’s very first lot! A friend suggested I combine dark chocolate with it so I thought why not make it a marble cake then? Both flavours will be together yet separate 😃 So make way for my orange & dark chocolate marble cake!

Dry Chilli Chicken Recipe ~ Sorshe

We keep it special on Friday nights- noodles/ pasta 🤓 None of that roti-sabzi business on Friday nights & last friday Mr. Husband begged for a tangy hot chicken side to go with our usual portion of noodles 😇 After perusing umpteen recipes online, I came up with an amalgamation of 3-4 & it turned out- well let’s just say my husband was left licking his bowl 😅 Let’s begin, shall we?

Cooking level- medium

Serves- 3-4 people

Cooking Time- 15-20 mins (excluding marination)

Ingredients–

1. 500 gm boneless chicken (I used chicken breast)

2. 2-3 Tbsp corn flour

3. 2-3 Tbsp of all-purpose flour

4.White vinegar

5. Dark Soy Sauce

6. Green chilli sauce

7. Paprika of kashmiri red chilli powder

8. Chopped capsicum 1 large

9. Chopped onions 2 large

10. Salt & Pepper

11. Honey/Sugar

12. Olive/sesame/refined oil for cooking

13. 4-5 cloves of garlic diced or crushed

14. 5-6 slit green chillies for garnishing

Method~

1. Clean the boneless chicken & marinate it with salt, pepper, chilli sauce, vinegar & dark soy sauce. Let it sit for an hour.

2. Mix corn flour & regular flour with the chicken till the pieces are more or less coated evenly. Do NOT add water to make a batter. It will be dry.

3. Fry the chicken till golden in hot sesame/olive/refined oil in the pan.

4.In a separate bowl, take chilli sauce, paprika, vinegar, salt, sugar & dark soy sauce & beat it well to make the basic sauce for your chicken.

5. In the same oil in which the chicken was fried, add the chopped garlic & stir till it emanates the fragrance. Add capsicum & onions & stir fry till they just soften. Do NOT cook them completely.

6. Add the prepared sauce & bring the mixture to a boil, pausing to taste at intervals. Add the fried chicken pieces & cover & cook for a couple of minutes more.

7. Garnish with slit green chillies, sprinkle honey over it & serve hot!

Notes–

If you wish to make your chicken with gravy, just dissolve a couple of spoons of cornflour in cold water & slowly add to the bubbling sauce.

In case if you want crunchier chicken, use only corn flour & no plain flour.

You can also add golden corn, red & yellow bell peppers to increase the colors & flavors 🤓

Honey Sesame Chicken Recipe ~

It is pleasantly cold here in Pune & the rainy weather made us crave for something sweet yet spicy for dinner hence? Ta-da! We amalgamated a few recipes from here & there to convert our frozen raw chicken into something sticky, sweet yet deliciously hot- Honey Sesame Chicken!

Cooking level – Easy

Cooking Time – 30 mins (without marination)

Ingredients~

1. Chicken 500 gm

2. 3-4 Tbsp Cornflour

3. 7-8 big red chillies soaked in warm water for 20 mins & blended into a thick paste

4. 7-8 cloves of garlic

5. 2 big red onions sliced

6. 1 tsp grated ginger

7. 2 Tbsp dark soy sauce

8. 2 Tbsp white vinegar

9. Slightly roasted white sesame seeds

10. A handful of slightly roasted peanuts

11. A handful of golden corn (optional)

12. A drizzle of red wine (optional)

13. Sesame/Olive oil for cooking

14. Salt, Sugar & Black Pepper according to taste

15. Honey

Method–

1. First clean the chicken & marinate it with salt, black pepper, a drizzle of olive oil & coat it with the cornflour- keep it covered for 30 mins.

2. Heat oil in a non-stick pan & fry the chicken pieces till they are slightly golden & crispy- keep them aside.

3. In the same oil fry the garlic, onion & ginger till fragrant & add the chilli paste.

4. After a couple of minutes, add the vinegar, soy sauce, salt, sugar till everything bubbles & reduces a bit to form a thick sauce.

5. Add the chopped peanuts & golden corn along with the fried chicken & cover the pan till the chicken gets properly cooked.

6. Drizzle the red wine, honey into the chicken for a couple of minutes before turning off the gas.

7. Garnish & serve with the roasted sesame seeds!

Enjoy 😀

Notes-

Red wine is strictly optional but I did find a difference in the gravy when I used it ☺️

Olive/sesame oil can be of course replaced by any refined white oil but these render a very different full-bodied taste!

The number of red chillies in your chilli paste can be adjusted according to your heat tolerance 😛 We used 10-12!

If you prefer the nuts on the crunchier side, use them to garnish your dish in the end so that they do not soak up the gravy & soften.

In case of no peanuts, chestnuts or cashews also give that crunch & taste!

Do let me know how it turned out for you guys ❤️

Lots of love,

Sorshe

Chapter 14~ Sorshe

“So you won’t be here for the entire Pujo?!” Brishti asked, trying to swallow her disappointment. ” Yeah well, everybody has leave till Dussehra only so we have to make it within that week” Gaurav was swirling his straw in his mint mojito & trying to make it up to her ” I will meet you as soon as I come back okay? We will do the same things we would have done otherwise, promise!” Brishti chewed her fries one by one without even tasting them properly. Their first Pujo together- she had thought they could go pandal hopping, eat out at new places & for a change would not have time constraints which they always seemed to have. But here Gaurav was, a week before Pujo, telling her of their sudden plan of visiting his aunt’s family in Uttarakhand for a much awaited family reunion. Both his cousins & their husbands would be there as well & he seemed far more excited to see them than even feel her disappointment. Disappointment? Hell, he had no other feelings either, Brishti thought later on her way home after he had seen her off. Rarely had she come across a Bengali who didn’t care for Pujo- but Gaurav was the rare one. And not only Pujo, he had no care for Christmas, New Year,Diwali nothing. He said he bought new clothes all year round anyway, wore them whenever he pleased, hated the crowds thronging everywhere & making it difficult for him to step out during those times, hated the bad quality of food the restaurants dished out at triple the prices. Well she hated the things he mentioned as well, Brishti thought but she loved the ambiance of festivals, the smell of the new, the excuse to have fun, to go out, to stay late when her parents wouldn’t be bothered & she had been looking forward to them spending time together so much. You are cold & logical & empty- she wanted to accuse Gaurav but had not said a single word. Ever since Gaurav had agreed to start their relationship on a clean slate, Brishti had braced herself against all odds, resisted herself from creating issues, prepared herself for him to get freaked out suddenly without any reason at all.

“B you are right- what we have is special & I want to start all over again” Gaurav had told her the day after Brishti had tried to make him see sense. ” But I want you to be brutally aware of me- I am not a romantic guy or a committed boyfriend by nature, so you may feel disappointed if you try to compare us with other lovey-dovey couples. Also you already know I am not good with changes & they might freak me out anytime” he had told her. Brishti in spite of being relieved, had been a bit miffed as well ” Are you warning me or telling me?” she had asked him directly. “I am warning you Brishti, but only against myself” And that was that. Brishti had known by then that it was going to be a struggle & it was. But she had voluntarily chosen to fight for this relation which she still thought to be special & she meant to see through till the end. She prepared herself every morning to hear ” B let’s give this up- I don’t think it’s working anymore”, did not voice her usually brash thoughts & opinions about most things, cried a little to herself without protesting when on most days, he did not even have time to talk to her at night.

Gaurav was struggling a lot in his new project. His work was solely inside what was called a “clean room” implying that no outside gadgets would be allowed inside while they worked for security issues. That meant his mobile phone too. Every morning he would catch the early bus for office, already tired & exchange a few texts with Brishti who still kept waking up for him to her early alarm- and then, he would doze off while sitting & only wake up as his forehead banged into the seat in front signifying that the bus had stopped in front of his office. Added to the struggle that was being in the “clean room”, Gaurav’s working hours had drastically increased. Where he would leave by the evening 6.30 pm bus before, he was lucky if he could make the 8.45 pm bus now. After the entire day of working & struggling with new people, new tools, he was just too tired to put up with any relationship issues with his new girlfriend & often after telling her he was leaving for home, he would plug in his headphones & doze off again.

Brishti tried hard. She tried not to miss him for 12 hours at a stretch, tried not to bang her head when the texts stopped coming in the morning which meant Gaurav had slept, tried to keep faith in whatever she was trying to achieve when Gaurav would finally come back to his mess & call her up to tell her that he was super tired & could not talk to her. He had told her not to expect things from him that a regular boyfriend did for a girlfriend. And she tried not to- but after the whole week went by with them having as much contact as Modi & Sonia Gandhi have, she couldn’t help expecting to meet him on Saturday at least. She missed him always in spite of all their struggle, in spite of the loneliness she had brought upon herself & only hoped & wished they would have fun like any other couple in love. Were they even in love? She often wondered- or precisely, was he in love with her at all? Or was he just dragging it out so as not to start a fresh bout of problems? He did tell her that he loved her quite often but at home, when his mother confronted him of having a new girl in his life, when his brother tried to wheedle it out of him that he had been seeing someone, he blatantly lied- telling them there was nobody, that he was busy with work & had better things to do. Brishti died a little each time he told her these stories of home- he didn’t think she was good enough for him? He was so ashamed of her that he had to lie to his excited family who were all but pouncing on him to meet the new girl? They had agreed with each other that they would take it slow, that they would not go announcing their relationship to random people but while Brishti’s most friends knew about Gaurav, from his side only Sayani & his roomies still knew. Nobody else. Gaurav was from a different planet altogether & had told her recently that his ex had pinged him & asked about his new girlfriend & he had dispelled her convictions, saying that he had nobody. The story had ended there. Brishti was dying to know more. Why had his ex pinged him suddenly? How long had they talked? What had they talked about? How could he just dismiss her from his life in front of everybody & especially his ex who had dumped him? But she couldn’t ask. She had trained herself to keep her mouth shut even if she couldn’t help her disturbing thoughts. Gaurav didn’t even know till now that she had stalked Ankhi, knew her name, knew her new boyfriend’s name as well & they were still together thank goodness-Sayani had checked & told her. Brishti did not mistrust Gaurav, she knew him well enough to know he was honest & direct & though he sucked as a boyfriend to her, he was not a cheat. Plus she had Sayani in the office, who spied on him regularly & updated her that he seemed to lead a prisoner’s life, cooped up inside the clean room for hours & hours- only emerging to have lunch or drink his afternoon tea & that he hardly had time to talk to them either. That was hardly a comfort to her though- she knew he was having a tough time dealing with his own career & other petty issues like scarcity of water or blandness of food, only felt by others wearing the same shoes.Staying in the comfort of her own home, being fed every tasty morsel on earth by her mom, ordering pizzas every Friday when he survived on bland daal, inedible sabzi made her lie to him, converting her cheese burst pizza to 2 day old sabzi & rotis.

On alternate Saturdays, they mostly met up for a movie together & lunch & that was all Brishti got to see of him. On these occasions though, Gaurav seemed like the guy she had fallen for, in his carefully pressed polo tees & chinos, happy to see her, taking her hand in his as soon as she came nearer. She did not complain of anything when they met, did not bring up any issues from the past weeks- she was just content to be with him. The first Saturday they had met after solving their ‘break up’ issue, Brishti had been tentative, talking a bit less, gauging to see how much things had changed. But Gaurav had seemed at ease, stretching out his hand to guide her through the busy road & for the first time had gone till her home, pulling her to him suddenly on the lonely stairway. Brishti had been stunned to say the least. After everything they had gone through, she was not expecting anything anymore, least of all physical comfort. But how could she resist his warmth, his whispering that he loved her & she had sunk into his arms clinging to him, willing that moment to go on. They had hugged tightly for a minute & she had had to let go regretfully as the apartment gate swung open & her neighbour started wheeling his bike inside. Gaurav had bade farewell & walked briskly out of the gate while her neighbour had stared at the unknown guy she was waving at. Brishti did not give a damn as she rang their doorbell & stood waiting for her Baba to open the door, feeling happy after a long long time.

” Baba is a bit better now Brishti. The doctors are quite happy at his response to the new drug. I might go to Kolkata during the Pujo to visit him” It was Abhi, replying to the text she had sent earlier inquiring about his father’s illness. After his mail which had sent their relationship into a tizzy, Brishti had wanted to clear everything out with Abhi as soon as possible so as not to let him harbour any possibility of them coming back together. But nothing went as planned. Gaurav had told her to talk to Abhi nicely & gradually clear things out in conversation instead of being outright cruel & sending a one-liner text to let him down & Brishti had thought it best to comply, not wanting to create any more trouble with Gaurav. Abhi had seemed both happy & disappointed when she had pinged him a few days later to inquire about his whereabouts & well-being. Brishti had not even mentioned his mail. But he had seemed relieved that she was talking normally to him once more & had taken it upon himself that maybe this was the fresh start he had begged from her. He hadn’t let her go for an entire hour, reliving their friendship, their movie trips, their bonding & Brishti soon realized in dismay that he was misunderstanding her intentions. She had made up her mind to tell him everything the next time they would talk but she had been shocked as Abhi had texted her the very next day telling her that his father had suddenly been taken seriously ill to the hospital & his mother was alone there while his younger brother was away at college-so he was taking the first available flight out of Mumbai. Brishti had hurriedly texted him back to have a safe flight & give her updates when he was free & they had reinstated their talking terms. He had told nobody about his family emergency, including a hurt Gaurav who had agreed that it was hardly a good time for her to discuss frivolous issues with Abhi. And things had gone downhill from there. His father had been diagnosed with malignant tumours & Abhi had been going to & fro between Mumbai & Kolkata, confiding in her & asking her doctor father’s advice. There had been no chance to discuss other things with him, Brishti tried to defend herself even as she felt a twinge of hot guilt. She was happy to be friends with Abhi again, more than happy to be standing by in his time of need but she could not ignore the fact that he was trying to come closer to her, fueled by her inability to clear things out. And now that Abhi might be here during the Pujo as well, what would she do if he suggested to meet up?

“You don’t have to meet up with him B! It’s his created mess that he is in- I am sad about his father but really, this confusion has gone on too long for anyone’s good! It’s not his drawing room that he can walk in & leave whenever he likes!” Gaurav said sharply when he had called her up to tell her that they had reached his aunt’s place safely ” You are my girlfriend now & that’s what you will tell him the next time he tries to restart his misconstrued gig- I don’t care anymore! He doesn’t keep contact with me anyway- so what can happen to make things worse?” he had said hotly to a very surprised Brishti. She had never thought she would hear him saying this! And the way he had said that she was his girlfriend! That made her forget temporarily how much she missed him tight now with the ‘Dhaak-Dhol’ playing in their apartment pujo, the sanskrit shlokas playing on the loudspeaker paused at intervals to announce more important details like the ‘Arati’ & ‘Puja’ timings or that they needed the secretary of the Pujo committee at the pandal right now to smooth out yet another goof up. It was a homely, fun atmosphere & her mother was tired of calling her to accompany her to the mandap & had left with her thaali in a huff while Brishti had sat cooped up with a story book waiting for Gaurav to call her.

Their only texting days finally seemed to be over, Brishti thought happily as she lay in her bed after hanging up Gaurav’s call.Ever since he had left for his vacation, there had seemed to be a positive change in his affection towards her. They had always texted each other on normal days with an occasional call for resolving one of their rare fights or disputes but now, ever since he had gone away suddenly Gaurav seemed to see her in a whole new light calling her up every single day, sometimes even twice a day if he could detect network in the remote place. He pleaded her to send him photos in her new outfits & had called up to say he missed her & wanted to bring her to witness the magnificent view from a mountain where he was standing. Brishti hadn’t known what to say to this sudden change & she had flushed happily. ” My cousins are all newly weds you know B, & they are so completely engrossed in each other!” he had told her a tad wistfully when he had called her late at night while one of his brothers-in-law cackled in the background & tried to listen in on what he was sure was a conversation with his future sister-in-law. “They caught me buying gifts alone in a shop near their house, so…” Gaurav had supplied her the information helpfully & they had all gone berserk, claiming they had never seen him be romantic or sensitive enough to buy dainty girly stuff like earrings & bangles. Brishti had listened amused, pleased as anything. “And B, I love you so much & this place is making me miss you like hell. I want to see you” he had whispered, creeping out of the family room into the veranda for privacy.”The feelings are mutual Gaurav, can’t wait to meet you” she had told him & had hung up with a sigh as the call had gotten disconnected due to poor mobile network. She shut her eyes with a happy little sigh- pujo, outings, new clothes she cared for nothing at that moment, she was just glad that he had gone away during the festival & would come back to her with renewed love which only the distance seemed to be responsible for.

Notes~

Throughout my life I always heard that the beginning to everything is bliss- friendship, relationship & marriage… & that problems gradually begin as the small habits start creeping into focus, people lose interest,patience to put up with silly things they had once thought of as adorable but in our case it has always been the opposite. Always! Same case in our marriage as well!

Things had really changed for us after “Gaurav” had left for his holiday & I still have no idea how & why ^_^ I am just thankful that the cliche saying of *distance makes the heart grow fonder* worked in our favor!

“Abhi” had been passing through a very difficult time back then & I don’t know which would have been the greater punishment for him- to know the truth in the beginning & struggle more or having “Brishti” stand by him during his bad time & then knowing later on all about it?

 

Chapter 13~ Resurrection (Sorshe)

Around 5 whole minutes had passed before Brishti became aware that her chat window was filled with “Please understands” & “Try to see my points”& Gauarav, worried on getting no reply, was calling her so late at night. She could still understand nothing that was going on. Part of her wanted to bawl, part of her wanted to breathe deeply & try to read what Gaurav had written once more ‘coz it sure hadn’t made any sense to her the last 5 times. She disconnected the call. He kept calling, pinging, texting until she turned off both her computer & phone, switched off all the lights & flopped down on her bead. She tried to recall what he had been trying to make her understand- that they should go back to where they were, should chat & text like before, should never talk about their holding hands, should never talk about the last day when he had kissed her so tenderly,they should..Brishti could not think anymore. She wept. Wept & wept till her mouth was filled with the salty water leaking from her relentless eyes, till her baby blue pillow turned a shade darker, saturated with all the water her body seemed surprisingly to hold, wept till she could weep no more. Her head ached, her sinuses had become stuffed till she was breathing through her mouth & her eyes burnt & stung,dry.She had put in so much effort for being together with him, had thought she had finally chosen the right one, the one person who complemented her so well, understood her more than she herself did, cared for her without asking for anything in return & above everything, had thought that he also felt the same way about her, the way he had shown his rare emotional side when a 3rd person had come in between, his relief when things had been cleared & they had claim to each other..what had those been? How easily he had just typed to request her to forget the last month, their closeness- why had he said he did not mean to exploit her closeness in the theater? Had he not meant for anything to happen between them? It was an accident? The whole month had been an accident? Her happiness, her laughter, her daydreams, her beginning to feel comfortable with her new happy life- had been an accident? The more she thought, the less sense everything made to her & it was only when she heard the tinkle of the newspaper boy’s bicycle bell that it dawned upon her that it was already morning & she had been awake the whole night.

Brishti switched on her phone. She had made up her mind- if he did not want to be a part of her life, she would let him go. As simple as that. Complications were strictly out of her mind map. If she did not understand something it did not go down well with her. True, Gaurav had been a bit of mystery from the very beginning but she had stupidly overriden the fact for all his other qualities. But she had nothing else to offer him, she thought tiredly, her eyes burning like crazy- and if after everything, he would turn out to be just like his friend then it was due to her. Hadn’t Brishti herself thought often how similar they were? Their verbal habits, their dry wit, humour were so alike, then how could she have thought he would turn out to be a good boyfriend? She would have slapped herself but her arms felt like lead right now. Maybe later, she thought. Her inbox was filled with Gaurav’s texts saying that he was worried, that he cared about her a lot, that this was by no means a break from themselves- it was a pause to let things resume their normal course.. the texts had gone till 2-3 am & then a sorry & a good night. She opened her Write Message option to just tell him everything was fine, she was fine, things would be gradually okay, she would gradually move on again, to just let her be but her fingers did not obey. Brishti just couldn’t dismiss everything like that, she couldn’t. It had not been an easy beginning for them- Sayani, Tikli, Ritesh, Suchi & even Titas were all a part of it somehow or the other.  It hadn’t been easy to just fall into a relationship as she & Abhi had done back then. Difficult as it had been, she had moved on without holding any grudge against him but this was different. She had worked hard for it to begin & she wanted to fight for it. ” I could not sleep last night Gaurav. I am really stupid & don’t understand your point of view but I know this much that the thing between us is worth another try. A fresh chance. I don’t know what freaked you out all of a sudden, we have been just together for a month- forget issues, we haven’t had time for a fight even! Please, please give it a second thought Gaurav. We deserve another chance if you can spare it. Please?”

Gaurav seemed distant yet a bit relieved that she had finally replied. He was going to office, he had written back instantly & hadn’t slept much last night so would catch a nap on the bus & talk to her later when he was free. And no mention of thinking about things? Brishti thought, stung. Which planet is he from? He had the emotional range of a teaspoon she knew, but instead of acting angry & making a scene she had swallowed all her own suffering & tried to  do something constructive & sensible so as not to repent later. And that was what she deserved? Zero acknowledgement? Superb.

Brishti lay in bed till 11 in the morning, her throat dry & burning but too tired to even get up for water-assuring her worried mother that she had no important class today & would study at home instead. If she had noticed her swollen eyes & dry face, her mother thankfully said nothing & gave her breakfast in bed, asking if she was sick. She shook her head as she texted her friends in college to tell them she was ill & wouldn’t be able to attend the practicals today. She dreaded facing her friends there who asked her regularly about her new boyfriend & what he had surprised her with lately. Break up, she thought drily, my month old boyfriend has surprised me with breaking up with me & I don’t even know the reason! A snort of laughter escaped her before she could suppress it & she shook her head, finally leaving her bed before she went completely nuts.

“Why are you staring at your phone so hard as if a ghost will pop out of it?” her surprised mother asked as she brought in a glass of mid-morning juice for Brishti. “Uh huh I was just waiting for my friend to tell me the extra chapters we have to study” she lied badly, feeling stupid that her sharp ears hadn’t heard the squeak of her mom’s flip-flops in time for her to bat the phone away to a safe distance. She had been talking to Sayani  who was at office & incredulous about what had happened. Brishti had begged her not to ask or lecture Gaurav this time in fear that it would make matters worse & Sayani had complied unhappily, trying to placate her that he would surely come around. But there was no sign of Gaurav. There was no usual ‘reached office’ text, no 2 minute phone call when he had gone to have lunch, no communication at all throughout the day. Brishti waited & waited, till at last she swallowed her ego bubble & texted him ” How is everything? Your health okay? Seems you are very busy today” . That was in the afternoon & now it’s already 9, Brishti thought feeling dumb as hell that she had texted him on her own instead of coming to terms with the fact that Gaurav was not interested anymore. He had lied when he had said things would go back to the same way, they never would, they never could. ” Hello” Gaurav’s text had just beeped.”I am so sorry Brishti, actually I have been assigned to a new project at work & it’s a technology I know nothing about so was stressed & trying to learn the ropes. I am fine, how are you?” Brishti felt half relieved & half angry. As far as she knew him, he had never lied to her about anything. He spoke less but always went for the bitter truths instead of seeking shelter in lies. She understood the work thing had not been an excuse. He had been having downhill luck ever since his training days were over. Most of his batch mates had been assigned to good projects instantly while he & a handful of trainees sat idle in office everyday waiting & hoping for being assigned in projects. This had been going on for the last 3 months & he had been horribly depressed about it, confiding only in her while she prayed & hoped for good news everyday.

She resisted the indomitable urge to ask him about her morning text & instead asked & discussed about his hard day at office which he seemed relieved & ready to talk about. As he spoke more & more normally Brishti realized that she could not let him go, not under any circumstances. They both needed each other in their lives & she could not be petty about it & bypass his troubles just because of what had happened yesterday between them. ” Are you listening to me B?” Gaurav asked twice to snap her out of her reverie. ” Yes yes go on, what did your new manager tell you?” she tried to catch up. ” I was not talking about work anymore B, I was telling you about the proposition of a fresh start. I have decided to think about it but tell me one thing, you have a terrible opinion of me now don’t you? A guy who ran eagerly to claim his friend’s ex girlfriend & then promptly backed out after getting close with her? What do you think of me now B? Tell me honestly. An opportunist? A disloyal friend? An unsuitable boyfriend? Will you be okay enough to take me back if we try for a fresh start? Think & tell me” he had written. Brishti heaved a deep sigh. Why did this guy have to overthink & complicate the normal things? ” Listen Gaurav, I was the happiest when we cleared things up after Titas & have never had a thought about you being a disloyal friend to  Abhi. He had me,didn’t want me, I waited in vain & moved on. It was a linear thing. Stop thinking about me being his girlfriend for a moment would you? I was not his property!  Now if he is trying again, it might be because he was pursuing somebody else & got the boot from her. Why haven’t you thought of that? You just know our side- you don’t know his! Do you know what he had told me about you long back?” Gaurav listened silently as Brishti told him about that time when Abhi had been ill & had told her about Mitra & Gaurav. ” Wow I can’t believe Abhi still thinks I was responsible for their break up!” Gaurav muttered. ” Mitra used to be just like you, coming to me & telling me how Abhi was ignoring her, not giving her enough time or attention & I tried to counsel her but everything backfired & she ended up saying she liked me more than Abhi” Brishti finished the sentence for him “Deja vu, in short?”

“Yeahh” Gaurav said slowly, “This was Deja vu for me from Day 1 Brishti, except for the fact that I started loving you too, caring for you more than I had intended to & could not just let you go with that idiot Titas. I was not ready for a relationship but I knew if I hadn’t tagged you,held you back, you would be gone- if not with Titas, with somebody else & I couldn’t let that happen, I needed you in my life, I need you” he confessed. Brishti tried not to let her heart leap at the mention of his love for her ” I am here Gaurav, I will be here for you, I intend to- just do the right thing this time. Think about yourself, think about you & me instead of thinking about the past, what had happened before- if the others never thought of us, then why should we? Also, you are what you were to me till a day back Gaurav- my best friend, my source of happiness, my support, my slice of sanity in this insane world & nothing has changed about the way I feel for you” her voice shook a little. “Okay… I will think about it for us, I promise- just give me a little time to sort things out” Gaurav pleaded. “And B, I know you probably can’t, but try to forgive me will you? For every stupid thing I said yesterday, for hurting you so badly, for making you cry so much.. I.. I am sorry beyond anything. My ma always says that God counts a woman’s tears & I am sorry I made you suffer so much. Never think badly about yourself B, remember my battle is with myself- you are the prize at the end of my long, dark tunnel” Brishti couldn’t help her streaming eyes as she spoke softly ” Just close your eyes to everything else & walk through that tunnel towards me Gaurav, I am here to take your hand” ☺️

Notes~

I don’t think most people realize or appreciate the ego killing, the hard work, the adjustments to be done in order to make & keep a stable relationship- at least, I sure as hell didn’t before. Everyone wants to know how we met, how we fell in love, but how we kept our love? uh huh..Falling in love is always the beginning but keeping the love is what makes everything okay. I wanted people to understand Sorshe & Posto had their tough times, struggles & battles to become the happy married couple they are now.

Throughout my life, I have always valued peace over everything, including happiness. I have a tendency to let go & avoid any sort of trouble or bitterness or ongoing issues. I am much better off without something than carry around something toxic- which was what I had intended to do with “Gaurav” as I had done with “Abhi”. But somehow that was not meant to be 😛 I had an inkling that I would repent a lot if I just agreed to whatever the idiot had asked, so I stood my ground & fought 🙂 And to this day, Posto blatantly confesses that it was my last desperate attempt, my morning text which made him think twice & changed the course of our destiny together.